


Bad Idea

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Alex is a huge jerk to everyone, Demon Hunters, Innuendo, Insults, Lots of it, M/M, demon Thomas, demon hercules, demon maria, james madison needs a hug, tjeff has good roasts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 19:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10256486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: James Madison is somehow roped into summoning a demon with John Jay and Alexander Hamilton.Bad idea.





	

James was your normal everyday demon hunter/paper pusher, but today was not every day.

Today was one of the days that he had somehow decided to waste embroiled in a private study with two of his friends, John Jay, and Alexander Hamilton, on how to study, make contracts with, and protect humans from, powerful but potentially otherworldly forces that most people liked to call demons. He suspected that the only reason they wanted him to help with this project was that he was the most friendly looking of the three, with his quiet demeanor and unassuming face.  
“We’re going to make contracts with a bunch of different demons, study them, and learn what we can about them,” Alexander assured him, tying his long hair back into what James liked to refer to as his usual ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ ponytail. “And then, we’ll sell our findings on the behavior, anatomy, and social habits of demons and get rich. Nobody’s brave enough to do what we’re doing! There’s virtually no competition!”  
Or stupid enough, James thought bitterly as he now stood in Alexander’s basement holding a ritual knife across the room from John Jay, who was apparently having a similar thought process. Why did I agree to this again? He was standing in place boredly watching Alex chant something in Latin around a pentagram he drew on the floor in his own blood.  
Suddenly, the pentagram burst into flames as a vaguely human figure rose from the center of it. They had puffy, black, curly, hair that fell in a mane around their head, dark skin, and the most obnoxious magenta jacket James had ever seen. Suddenly, the ritual knife that was in James’s hand disappeared, and was replaced with a quill and a piece of parchment with fancy cursive writing on it. “Thomas Jefferson, at your service!” The demon, whose name was apparently Thomas, grinned while still floating in midair above a flaming pentagram.  
He appeared mostly harmless, with the only real indication that he wasn’t human being the thick, sinewy, tail, also magenta, (albeit a slightly more muted shade), that crept out from underneath the hem of his jacket.  
Before he could read the contract that he had been given, it was snatched out of his hand by Alex. “Thomas Jefferson, Knight of Hell,” he read aloud, pulling out his glasses from God knows where. “Terms: Expects to be allowed free rein of your home and to be treated with respect and civility. Also, to have mac n’ cheese available in your house at all times. Those seem simple enough.” He turned to Thomas. “I’d like to make a deal.”  
“Why?” Thomas replied calmly, “I don’t just go around making deals with anybody for whoever decides that summoning a demon would be fun to do on a lazy Saturday afternoon for shits n’ giggles.”  
Alexander faltered for a moment before steeling his expression once more. “I want to learn about demons!”  
“So, pretty much, you want to use me as a specimen.” Thomas crossed his legs as if he were sitting on a couch in midair. “I can respect that, but I won’t agree to it unless you listen to my three conditions.” Alexander nodded, eyes riveted on the magenta devil. “One, you can’t cut me open or anything, two, you can’t force me to do anything if I don’t want to, and three, I want to be able to do pretty much anything I want.”  
“...That’s it?” John Jay piped up, from where he had been almost silent.  
“Shut up, John,” Alexander snapped at his partner offhandedly. “Anyway, James, John, I don’t need the two of you any more, so you can just let yourselves out,” he said bluntly.  
James, glad to not have to deal with either the magenta Satan or the one who didn’t know how to shut up, made a small nod to John signaling that the two should go upstairs. 

The next morning, James woke up in his bed as usual, but when he got up, or tried to, he noticed that, like yesterday, today was not going to be a normal day.  
There was a magenta tail snaked around his waist, and as he tried to get up, it pulled him back down to the mattress. He took one look at the mass of black, curly, hair on the pillow next to him before he realized that Alexander’s contracted demon had somehow made its way into his house and then into his bed.  
“Why are you trying to get up so soon? It’s only 9:30,” came Thomas’s voice, muffled by the pillow but still perfectly audible.  
“Let me up,” James said firmly, pushing on the surprisingly tight grip the tail had on his waist. “I’ve got places to be and people to see. Also, why are you in my bed?”  
“Not any more, you don’t. Last night I came here and it was cold outside, so I decided to just slip in here. There was nobody else who I was disrupting, and you were warm.” Thomas replied, drawing James closer.  
“Is this really how a knight of hell should be acting towards a lowly mortal such as myself?” James rolled his eyes. “Thomas, let me go. I’ve got a cross on my bedstand.”  
“Yeah, but unless I let you go, you can’t get it,” Thomas reminded, a lazy grin on his face. “And I will have you know that I am wonderfully comfortable right here in bed like thi-OW!” He was interrupted by James driving his elbow into the tail, leaping out of bed with only a pair of plaid pajama pants on. “I FEEL SO BETRAYED!” Thomas wailed as James gripped the cross firmly, slowly walking towards the demon.  
“Get out of my bed,” he replied with deadly calm. “I’ve got holy water in the living room, if you really want to do this.”  
Thomas ran a hand through his hair and grinned as if he thought he had won. “Can’t,” he said simply, “I’m not wearing any clothes at the moment, and I doubt you want me parading about naked.”  
James tossed him his various articles of clothing from across the room. “You slept with me while in the nude?”  
Thomas nodded and finally got out of bed at last, thankfully pulling on his pants. “Well, what was I supposed to do? Sleep in my clothes?”  
“Just get out of my house, Thomas, please,” he groaned, glaring at him. Thomas made a face that seemed to scream, “Fine, have it your way,” and finally disappeared into a burst of flame with a pout on his face and arms crossed. James sighed, and finally noticed his phone was ringing loudly.  
Probably Alex, he thought, accepting the call and putting the phone to his ear.

Meanwhile, Alex was searching for a certain Knight of Hell that had seemed to disappear. He had been calling James and John almost nonstop, but John had no idea where Thomas could be, and James wouldn’t pick up.  
Alexander was pacing back and forth across the floor of his house nervously, like he did when he had a deadline to meet. “Come on, James, you never sleep late, just pick up the damn phone!” He snarled to nobody in particular. One, two, three, four rings, but then, a welcome, albeit extremely irritated James came onto the phone.  
“Hello?” He sounded tired, as if he had either hadn’t gotten much sleep, had a rude awakening, or a rough morning.  
“James, thank God,” Hamilton began to ramble. “I thought something had happened to you, what with you not answering the phone, and our line of work, and the fact that the three of us summoned a demon last night, I thought you might have been dead or worse! Please, James, pick up the phone! Don’t be dead, or-”  
“Alexander, I’m going to stop you before you go off on a tangent like you usually do when somebody doesn’t pick up their phone after four missed calls. Why are you calling me?” James wasn’t having any of Alexander’s nonsense.  
“Thomas is missing! When I woke up and checked the guest room, it was empty!”  
James began to laugh cynically.  
Alexander stopped pacing, utterly confused. “What’s so funny?”  
“Well, Alexander,” James had to pause to chuckle quietly, “he went from your guest room to my bedroom. When I woke up, he was naked and had his tail wrapped around my waist. He wouldn’t let me get out of bed, which was the only reason I didn’t answer your calls sooner.”  
It was Alexander’s turn to laugh. “Are you kidding me? Did you two-”  
“No! God, no! I wouldn’t do that, I barely know him! Plus, he’s a demon!” James shouted over the phone.  
“If you had a contract with him, would you do it?” Alexander pushed, a wide grin on his face even though James couldn't see it.  
After a moment of awkward phone silence, James broke it with the most obvious lie he had ever told.  
“...Alexander, I’m not gay.”  
Alexander scoffed internally. Yeah, right.  
“Anyway, check your guest room, he should be there. I sent him back a few minutes ago.”  
James hung up without a goodbye.

Alexander did what James had suggested and went to go check out his guest room. Thomas was there, sitting cross legged on the purple bedspread.  
He didn't own any purple sheets.  
Did he even change the sheets?  
Alexander groaned, rolling his eyes. “You had a fun night, didn't you?”  
“You must’ve, too. You had, what, three other people over, got absolutely drunk off your asses, then had a foursome on the couch. Did you expect me to sit through that?” Thomas griped. “So, I went to the quiet one’s house to actually get some peace and quiet, like any sane person, or demon for that matter, would have-”  
“And then you slept with him,” Alexander interrupted.  
“Well, not “slept with him”, slept with him, but more like just “cuddle with him because I was cold and tired and you were loud last night” slept with him,” Thomas smirked.  
“Why didn't you just go back to hell instead of his house?”  
“Well, since you contracted me, I’m stuck here. I can't leave until you either null the contract or fulfill it. I mean, I could null the contract myself,” he admitted, “but then I'd be bored.”  
“You’d be bored,” Alexander repeated, internally berating himself for just so happening to make a contract with the most annoying demon he had ever met. “Bored.”  
“Yes, and you know what they say, boredom is deadly. Almost as deadly as that Lafayette guy, I’m just going to say that I did not expect him to top a demon in bed. I mean, Hercules isn't exactly the type to want to bottom.”  
“What?” Alexander yelled.  
“Nothing, nothing,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand, “Anyway, you said you wanted to study me? How so?”  
Alexander crossed his arms, reaching for one of the clipboards that he kept scattered around the house. “Well, if you're done being a little bitch, I’d like to take a look at your tail, and ask you a few questions about it”  
Thomas obliged, and Alexander kept it in the back of his mind to ask Hercules about what he had said about him in the near future. 

As Thomas let himself be examined by Alexander, many thoughts were going through his head. 

I wonder if I could actually get that guy James to have hella rough sex with me one night. He’d probably be good in bed. And does this human actually believe him when he says he’s straight? I saw that erection, there is no way in Hell that man is straight. On another note, I should definitely spend more time with him. He seems like the kind to be fun to hang out with, at least when he’s not with Alexander, anyway. Out of all the people in the world, I just had to walk into a deal with him. I hope that Hell isn’t falling apart at the seams while I’m stuck up here in a deal with this prick.

The rest of the day was just more of the same as Alexander and Thomas traded various insults at each other, and both Alexander and Thomas were glad for a break as Lafayette’s ringtone blared from Alex’s phone.  
“So, Alex, we’ve got ourselves a job,” his familiar French accented voice seemed to be laden with stress. “It’s coming straight from Washington himself.”  
“A job!” Alexander said, excited. It had been quite a while since their last. “What does it include?”

**Author's Note:**

> Tails are treated like a fifth limb and are usually prehensile, at least in the demon world.


End file.
